Here is an excerpt from JB's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower his argument?
"In the fable of Hamza and Amar, the author describes a visit the two friends make to a garden, where things go awry. The fable introduces the moral of staying your ground, not having to give in or prove yourself. Although the story was translated into English, one can clearly see the Iranian literary culture instilled within. The English translation uses a complex diction, choosing intricate words that are not used in everyday conversation. It is likely that this was a deliberate move, as it would be odd to use such ornate language in the English translation unless the original text employed it as well. Considering this move by the translators, it seems that the story has retained its purest form possible, reflecting the author's original intent. It does this more so than either of the other two passages. Normal western narratives would have used a much more concise diction, keeping the words they use short and sweet, This provides an almost blunt tone in some instances, and can get mundane after long periods of reading. The flowing, eloquent touch that this Iranian passage has provides a welcome change from the usual westernized style of writing. While the diction of the passage provides an ample look at Iranian literary style, other elements of the story contribute as well."
Johnny (9/8/14-9/16/14 R.I.P) had a very strong excerpt. I liked his noticing of the change in diction and especially liked how he pointed out the motives of the author/translator in doing that. What I did not like was how he described the passage as flowing and eloquent. The complex language he was talking about adds to the sophistication of the narrative, but makes it more difficult to read in a flowing manner. Western writing is arguabley not blunt or mundane, I enjoy it very much, and I found that I did not enjoy what I experienced as a slower pace to the narrative because of the diction, unlike Johnny.
ReplyDeleteIt brings me great sadness to read over a piece written by a fallen brother of AP. The pros of this passage is the ease of it. It goes from point to point and sentence to sentence very casually and it makes it an easy read. The problem that I obviously see is the lack of quotations that always add to a passage.
ReplyDeleteRest in Piece JB. im shocked that you were a really good writer. The essay is very well thought out. The analysis of the passage is efficient. It accurately relates to the main point. His use of talking about the English language is helpful to his overall point
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