Here is an excerpt from KR's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"Along with conformity, consistency in Japanese education and other activities contributes to its greater patriotic culture. Such a situation occurs for Yukio Mishima when his professor acts in a strange way. Professor Gomi's consistency throughout his class of showing up late, using a fan, and appearing ignorant of whatever his student present, end up proving how great of a teacher he is in the end. His students realize that he truly does care and his actions help them to achieve a better understanding of their text due to their nervousness around the professor. His constant and extremely predictable actions are only broken once which reveals his general consistencies as well as their benefits. Such a situation occurs all throughout the Japanese education system as well as in the common culture. Constant acts allow for patterns to be seen and unity to be developed as people realize the ways that others act. These realizations that everyone acts consistently and in similar ways allows for powerful feelings of community."
Keeps getting tougher and tougher to find holes in Kyle's argument. The content in this passage was tremendous and the diction was strong. Kyle was able to open up ideas and delve into deeper meanings of some of the discussed passage very well. I think he could have used an applicable quote at some point during this piece, but the piece flowed well nevertheless. A quote to clarify the meaning of the line about Gomi "breaking" his actions would have helped me understand that idea better. Overall, a terrific paragraph.
ReplyDeleteKyle always has solid paragraphs and the only major issue that i saw was the flow of the sentences. At time he used periods where she should have used commas and stuff like that and it kinda threw off my reading, it just made the argument less convincing because i was focusing on that. Otherwise i like the topic sentence and how everything was connected back tot he general topic.
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