Here is an excerpt from KR's paper. What are its strengths? How could he improve it?
"The European perception of natives, as gross as it was, is nothing compared to their actual treatment of them. Sydney and the Bush utilizes a similar comparison as 'Come on On Shore and We Will Kill You and Eat You All' in that it directly compared Europeans and natives but this time, using metaphors. Sydney represents the new European civilization that the settlers built and the Bush represents the natives spread across the bare land. This metaphor through comparison is also seen in the idea that the Europeans treat the natives as convicts. 'When Sydney rules without the Bush she is a warder's shop' (Murray)/ The poem describes the settlers as wardens, which implies that the aborigines must be guilty of something. The only thing they are truly guilty of is following their own culture instead of that of the Europeans. Such mistreatment of the natives started with the explorers and continued with the settlers as inferiority of natives is seen in both passages. The two groups are compared in an unjust way that Europeans stuck based on ignorance and pure malice."
Kyle did a good job of connecting the two passages he wished to discuss and correctly analyzed the metaphorical connection in Sydney and the Bush. However, I did not follow his analysis of the quote because I think Murray is calling Sydney the warden as opposed to the bush. Either way, I think Kyle could have possibly used a different quote in that situation.
ReplyDeleteKyle had decent support of his view and a downside of it was at times it felt like he was reaching. Like he was using examples and information that didn't fully compliment his writing but he bent the information to fit his situation, even if it wasn't intended to support those particular thoughts.
ReplyDeleteKyles opening sentence really capture the audience into the rest of the passage. He uses common knowledge that he and his readers both had ( the stereotypes) and connects it to his argument. i would do this also, but i think he should attempt to find a better device, as metaphor is common and everyone nationwide will use metaphors on the AP.
ReplyDeleteKyle does a really job picking apart the poem in really interesting ways, particularly the idea of wardening over the aborginese. He does a very good job of utilizing the stereotypes that both sides had in his argument.
ReplyDeleteKyle's did a good job of connecting the two passages Sydney and the Bush. He used information though because his quote did not really help and he should of used a better device.
ReplyDeleteThe diction within Kyle's first sentence really puts a nice flare to the piece. He does a good job with connecting the two passages, but not so much with the quote he chose. The quote is a pretty subjective and as seen by the comments posted, could add a confusing layer to his work. The route he chose to go though was well thought out and very detailed so it worked in this case. Overall a good paragraph, just needed a different quote.
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