"History must be studies globally, especially that of African as the rest of the world can cause profound effects on just one area of it. The role of different groups in African particularly Europeans, has resulted in a unique African history that is still studied today, The arguments presented in Loot show how the struggle for power within Egypt has caused much tension and shaped its entire political system and beliefs. 'Egyptians were considered too primitive to study such a sophisticated science' (Waxman 57). This European belief caused a beautiful sculpture to leave the hands of the once great culture that created it,. Also, the use of the English flag within certain African flags as shown in Dueling Banners is another display of the great influence Europeans had over Africa, To study Africa without regard to the role the rest of the world played in it would be ignorant and not leave much to study seeing as how Africa was occupied by Europeans for so long. The world caused major effects on Africa that still exist today and are major parts of its long history."
Kyle's writing has come very far since this part of the year. That first sentence just raised flags to me. It reminded me of starting an essay with Websters Dictionary states whatever as whatever. He goes from history to globally to African which can be a good writing technique but he does it so quickly that all the stages aren't connected. I really enjoyed the final sentence because i think it wraps up the paragraph beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThe ideas Kyle develops make sense and his quotes were applicable and effective. However, there were grammatical errors in the first few lines that made them very hard to understand and took away from an otherwise solid piece.
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