Here is an excerpt from WSh's paper. What are the strengths of his argument? How could he empower it?
'The flower looks up high to see only the light, and never looks down to see its shadow. This is a wisdom which man must learn.'
"This proverb from Kahlil Gibran is basically a message of living in the present and focusing on potential, rather than reflecting on what you have become. It implies that we should always strive to be more; being content will lead to mediocrity in our lives. It could also imply that we must make memories in our lives while we can and not just remember those that have been rehashed time and time again. I view this proverb as a sort of bang-for-your-buck type message: pack as much life into your life as you can; waiting for others and living in the past or your glory days will leave much unfulfilled.
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This proverb also holds true for Shirin Ebadi. Shirin was a relentless advocate for rights for all, especially women and children. She served as a glimmer of hope for millions living lives of despair. Shirin was the flower that saw the light even when there was none, and then she became the light for others. Instead of being content with seeing her shadow like many other Iranian women, she refused to stick to the script and became a world-famous lawyer and activist. She eventually won a Nobel Prize for her efforts and is a terrific living example of this proverb."
This is a very strong argument in terms of content. The proverb is very well explained in the first paragraph and is also well connected to Shirin Ebadi. The few problems may be in grammatics. There are a few sentences that seem like they could be worded differently or rewritten. Also, the phrase "this proverb" may be a bit overused. Although, all in all, it is a very strong argument based on explanation and analysis.
ReplyDeletethanks for the advice Kyle. Going through my paper counting the "this proverbs" was an eye-opening experience indeed. I will try to mix up referring to the proverb by using terms like "saying" or "adage" instead. I agree with you that my grammar was ugly, to say the least. I stumbled through the paragraphs grammatically, and my English teacher Mr. Siuda pointed out some of the same things. I should try not to procrastinate so much so I can write these papers during the day more often and form coherent sentences :)
DeleteWSh backs up his argument effectively with examples and eye catching metaphors like "bang-for-your-buck". these are his strong suits. his weaker points, however, are his unnecessary anaphora/ repetition. he starts both of these paragraphs and many sentences with "this proverb" and "Shirin" or "she". usually the point of repeating oneself is to further the emphasis. There really isn't need for emphasis on the proverb, as that is what the entire argument is based on. a very logical argument will, solid.
ReplyDeleteThe proverb is a very strong and well explained. The first few paragraph's is explained well . The weaker part is when he uses anaphora/ repetition. The author repeats himself a lot at the beginning of the paragraph by saying " This proverb".
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