Here is CV's conclusion. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"Ancient Africa and its ethics and thoughts are directly connected to our modern ideas. African studies are also very connected around ancient ideas, gods, and art. These concepts are shown in the passages The Duel, The Chair Carrier, and Loot. African research is basically the continuum of the search for answers that ancient people started all those years ago, and knowing the traditions and ways of those people gives excellent insight into that cause."
I believe this is a strong conclusion in its content but it is difficult to discern that without reading the rest of the paper. The first sentence could be a bit stronger if combined with the second sentence, though the entirety of the paragraph is strong.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Conor about what Africa's morals and values are, and I like his closing sentence, but some aspects could be empowered. CV said in the first sentence: "Ancient Africa and its ethics and thoughts..." Ancient Africa does not have thoughts. In the second sentence: "African studies are also very connected around ancient ideas, gods and art.." This sounds awkward. I would recommend using "to" instead of "around" next time. Overall, strong conclusion and good work CV.
ReplyDeleteI will take this criticism into account when I write future essays, having correct grammar can go a long way to getting a good grade on an AP essay and i think Will and Kyle's suggestions can certainly help me become the best writer i can be.
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