"Acculturation is the slow blend of one nation's language, propensities and beliefs, or simply culture, to another nation's. Acculturation tends to not be positive. It is shown in three particular stories about Africa that it causes problems. The problem, told in 'Generose' and 'There's No Beer in Saudi Arabia' and restated in 'Casting with a Fragile Thread' is that it causes for a lack of identity in each individual. This lack of identity causes a lust for identity which leads to chaotic and pointless conflict and forces people with differing beliefs to tolerate each other. That lack of opinion causes bitter resentment."
I like the definition of acculturation employed by Joe in the first sentence. He can use it to shape his argument and helps the reader in his understanding of the topic at hand. One problem I saw was the repetition of the word problem which, on one hand, could be positive in reiterating that idea for the reader. Also, I think that a one sentence thesis could have been created instead of the two sentence one used in this case. Besides those organizational issues though, the content is strong in setting up the argument he will make.
ReplyDeleteThanks kyle. i used problem many times to reiterate the idea that all of this was indeed a problem. and my thesis could have been spread into two sentences if i spread out the passages in the intro. but all in all, thanks for the insight.
DeleteThe definition in the begininng was a good start because it gives me a basis to start my own opinion on the argument. Also it sets a concreate base for Joe to expand his argument. The repetition of problem, much like kyle mentioned, was a problem because it wasnt used in a good way. It could have been very powerful and reassuring of the argument but instead it just made it feel like i was reading the same sentence over and over again.
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