Here is an excerpt from CV's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"In India the class system is very drastic and there is barely any chance of anyone advancing out of the class they were born into. All people must respect and obey the responsibilities of the class and they must honor the burden given to them since birth. In the ideas explained in the writing Buddhism and Caste, the caste system is very important for some people and for most Indians, but in this passage one man thinks differently from the rest and fights against the caste system. 'First, Assalayana, you based your claim on birth, then you gave up birth for learning, and finally you have come round to my way of thinking, that all four classes are equally pure!' Even though it is very possible to argue for the purity of all the Indian classes in the system, the values of the people are based on the thought that some are better than others. This passage captures the essence of the possible change and the undeniable truth."
I thought the general argument was strong while some parts were slightly confusing such as whether or not the caste system could/would be abolished. I was able to understand each point and thought the ideas behind them were strong although, a slightly stronger argument through better diction and connections could have been made.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kyle for this insight that i will surely have in my mind when i write another essay tonight. I will focus on the strengths that you have mentioned in this one and in previous excerpts of mine but i will really idealize myself on the connection portion of my writing. Thank you bud.
DeleteI would attack your final point, a strong one, about the purity and equality of all four classes sooner than you actually did. You waited until after the quotation, which may have been late. Also don't describe one's caste as a burden, because after all there are many nobles who are extremely happy in their caste, and it seems like you are speaking from a peasant's POV. Your quote was applicable and the points after were very good too. Nice work.
ReplyDeletethe last sentence "This passage captures the essence of the possible change and the undeniable truth." is really odd. it is a bad summary of the entire paragraph. i personally think it kills the entire passage. it doesnt fit in the rest of the really good paragraph. however, the quote you chose really works well. it brings extremely good points to the the table. your analysis of it was key too.
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