Here is an excerpt from JC's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"Animals can affect the way a peoples view themselves, such as in God and the Pintards from Tell My Horse by Zora Neale Hurston. If a culture is likened to a species of animal, is it not logical to assume then that the culture will begin to see themselves as that animal too? In God and the Pintards from Tell My Horse by Zora Neale Hurston, the Haitians are likened to Pintards: 'the Haitian people have a tremendous talent for getting themselves loved. They are drenched in kindliness and beaming out with charm. They are like the pintards of God that Dr. Reser told me about.' If the Haitians view themselves as people of song and dance and love because of being compared to pintards, then their culture is surely being affected by it. The Haitians gain a positive view of themselves because of their culture being compared to pintards. To know that even God himself couldn't kill them because of their beauty, and sent them down to earth to being happiness must boost them as a culture and promote a sense of unity among them. Animals have provided a strong cultural identity for the Haitians."
Jason makes an amazing argument in this excerpt. His content is definitely on point if not beyond as I had not even thought of some of the things that he mentioned. His grammar/writing could be improved upon a little bit while the overall piece was great. If he were to improve those minor errors in his writing, then it would be absolutely great on top of and in supporting his content.
ReplyDeleteJason should definitly add some quotes to this passage. All great writing is backed by other facts or other novels and without this backup Jason's argument could be easily attacked and not persuasive. His diction is good and he explaisn his purpose well.
ReplyDeleteWhat really stood out to me about Jason's paragraph was actually the basic structure of it. Nothing about the passage wanted me to give it a Newberry Medal on the spot, but the passage flowed well and stayed relevant the whole time, making it very strong. I would have liked to see a sentence between his rhetorical question and his quote to lead into his quote better.
ReplyDeleteJasons analogy is spot on. He makes extremely relevant points. His quotes fit his argument perfectly. The only thing i didnt like was that he talked about Dr. Reser without the audience being aware of who he is.
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