Here is an excerpt from CV's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"Throughout the entire world, many cultures have key similarities that connect them such as beliefs of that region. Many islands in the world have people who represent their faith by believing in great animalistic spirits that have power to change the course of their lives. People may use a pelt, feathers, or a statue to represent their most idolized deity. In the story Easter Island Art from the Enigmas of Easter Island, an example of connections between two islands is a statute that is nearly identical but in completely different places. 'An Easter Island rock carving portraying 'birdman' ... A Hawaiian rock art figure although lacking a beak, is astonishingly similar to its counterpart on Easter Island.' The belief in animals is represented by figures from Easter Island to Hawaii."
Connor's diction is what sets him apart. He uses repetition without it being overbearing and includes keywords that affect the reader and further his points. I also found it interesting that he used Easter Island Art as his passage/example. I would not have immediately recognized the connection between it and animals yet, he did a great job of connecting it to his point which obviously sets him apart from anyone else who would write this paper.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kyle i feel like that was a solid connection as well, looking back on my passage now i would have told more about the passages before quoting them or making comparisons. This would help give the reader some context clues that would help them understand the entire essay as a whole.
DeleteConnor keeps the passage simple and overall, it is effective. His first few sentences are strong and he leads into his quote pretty well. I would have liked for him to elaborate more on the connection between Easter Island and Hawaii through the statues after the quote, but it was good overall.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the lesser Will, he described a really great article by Connor very well.
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