"There are many problems with acculturation demonstrated in the story Growing Up in Algeria by Assia Djebar. First and foremost, the main problem of acculturation is the loss of cultural self. 'At an age when I should be veiled already, I can still move about freely thanks to the French school ... my body is caught in invisible snares ... my mother ... let out a semi-barbaric ' you you.' By having acculturation, one is subject to lose what one already has. Throughout the story, the author continually seems to in a way look down on her own people. 'Every prize I obtained strengthened my solidarity with my own family ... in a word to move about out of doors like a Muslim nun!' This can be attributed to acculturation. The author always compares the French school to the Arab, and almost always favors the French schooling. By doing this, she gains the knowledge and love for the French culture. But by doing this, she also becomes less and less one of her own people. She starts to become a people she is not, and forgets her original teaching. To get you must give is an old quote and this is not something worth giving. If everyone in every culture did the same thing this girl is doing, the consequences would be disastrous. People would lose their original cultural identity. There would be losses of entire civilizations, cultures, and people. The threat of acculturation is real and looming; it is important for one ot remember where one has come from and respect that."
I think the paragraph itself has some great ideas while the organization may need some improving. I would have avoided jumping directly into a quote at the beginning and believe the last part of the paragraph in regards to specifics about cultural identity, should have been moved to the beginning. Also, I see what Jason was trying to attempt with the ellipsis in the first quote although I am not sure it entirely worked in this case. Lastly, I would have attempted to limit the use of the word 'this,' as it is ambiguous. Besides those points though, I believe the content is there for a great argument.
ReplyDeleteThere is the foundation for this argument to fly through the hypothetical doorway and into the hypothetical hallway. However, I think, beginning an argument with a quote is a risky way to plan an argument because a reader may not know background information. Also, I think the quotes are a touch off and would have preferred more flowing, direct quotes. I completely agree with the second half of the argument and would not change anything. Solid job.
ReplyDeleteI think the quote was listed to early in this paragraph. This gives the sense that he is explaining the story or quote when the quote should be used to further generate and explain his thoughts and ideas. Overall the paragraph could be improved drastically but it has many key points and ideas that made me think about the purpose.
ReplyDeleteconor, i'm not sure if the editor began the paragraph there, or if the author did. i agree though, that if the paragraph began with that quote, it would not be effective. A quote like that is not meant to be the subject of the essay, but a means of argument. the quote, and its over analysis directs the purpose from the topic to only he quote.
Delete