Here is an excerpt from WS's paper. What are its strengths? How can he empower it?
"In the story of 'God and the Pintards,' Zora Neale Hurston uses pintards, some type of bird, to teach her lesson to the Haitians. It is important to note the contrast between cultures in this story, as when the pintards are eating up the fields and destroying the crops, tales of most all other cultures would instruct their readers to kill the pintards at all costs and prioritize their needs. However, in this Haitian tale, the pintards are too happy and exuberant to be shot, and they bring joy to those around them. Hurston writes, ;Michael came up to the tree and pointed the shotgun at the great mass of pintards crowded into the tree singing and making rhythm. But the song and the rhythm were so compelling that he forgot to pull the trigger ... Then he went to dsncing ...' Hurston is showing respect and reverence to the pintards by not killing them despite their destruction. she then teaches Haitians a lesson, using pintards as model citizens, in that she conveys the importance of happiness and joy in lives, even above work."
Will makes many great points here. While he has some clear typos or grammatical errors that could have been fixed with a little proofreading, he wrote an overall decent piece. His content and use of a quote/example is pretty good and made better by his explanation. It is clear in this piece that he is a great writer based on his use of examples combined with great explanations that connected to his main points.
ReplyDeleteThere is some incredibly obvious grammatical errors here that if improved upon would make the passage a lot better, also i don't see how the quote and his explaining all fit together, to me the whole thing just seems rushed.
ReplyDeleteWill (whichever one) really confused me in the beginning. I thought it was actually detrimental to include "some type of bird" in his passage. This implied the author was ignorant and didnt know what he was talking about. i also was confused by the second quote until he cleared it up. I thought that was one of his strong points. (his analysis)
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