Here is an excerpt from WSh's paper. What are its strengths? How can he empower it?
"'One of these Days' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez is a much different piece in terms of style and purpose. As a fictitious short story, it covered a time period of only about an hour and had an appeal to ethos instead of logos. This is because it was paramount for Marquez to develop the characters of the short story first and write about their decisions, and then how they represent something on a larger scale that could be deeply political. In this piece, a poor Central American dentist displays his hatred against the town mayor for not paying 'for our twenty dead men'; and the humanity of the mayor is seen in his weakness, but ultimately it ends with a note aout the mayor's ultimate power over the dentist. 'Bent over the pitoon, sweating, panting, he unbuttoned his tunic and reached for the handkerchief in his pants pocket. The dentist gave him a clean cloth. 'Dry your tears'...' 'Send the bill, he said. 'To you or the town ...' 'It's the same ... thing.' Marquez is trying to say the mayor and in turn the town is as weak as any average human being, yet for some reason they maintain complete and utter dominance over the poor citizens of Central America. He does this by writing what seems like a small scale fictitious story and nothing more, but turns out to be a deeply political piece."
I really like the points Will tries to make. I think that he could explain his example a little better both contextually and symbolically. The quotation should be broken up a little better so that it is more clear who is talking. In terms of symbolism, I think Will's points are clear enough but, they could include some more reasoning behind them. Considering I know the story and what his general intentions are, I feel that he wrote a pretty good piece.
ReplyDeleteKyle is right. Will should strengthen his explanation a bit so he can make his argument even more compelling.
DeleteLike Kyle said, all of Will's ideas are there and all of his ideas make sense but they are not fully devoloped. He just needs to go back and add some difinitive ideas that will give this passage some stability to support all of its ideas that really do explain his purpose and add upon his thesis.
ReplyDeleteI just commented on the other wills essay with the same passage and i noticed major differences. Will Shan's diction was stronger and more complex (paramount), while Will Scheu.'s quotes were more developed. A coalition of the two would help create a masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteWill makes some good points in this. Will just needs to make his points more clearer and more developed . He has some reasoning in this though.
ReplyDeleteWill's reasoning is an especially strong point in his argument. However, I agree with most of my classmates above when they say that Will's arguments are not so well developed as they should be. He should elaborate on his ideas more clearly and concisely.
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