Here is an excerpt from WS's paper. What are its strengths? How could he empower it?
"One half of this identity is the native culture that had thrived on the continent centuries before the Europeans came. With this culture comes a very different mindset compared to the Europeans. The natives were more in tune with nature; they were more simple minded and in sync with their immediate lives. Whereas the Europeans would come to the New World often in search of money or power, the natives were content living where they were and doing things they had done for hundreds of years. It seems that the natives had much more of a need for finding their place in the world, to communicate and explain the forces outside of their control, to truly understand the universe around them. This can be seen in the passage on the Nazca lines. These huge carvings in the earth were created to help the people try to communicate with their gods, as well as an astronomical calendar. The need to commune with whatever holy bodies there are drove them to do such amazing things like this. The need to understand the earth and find their place in the cosmos led them to create their own calendar, not some monetary goal. They could have even possibly built primitive hot air balloons and gone on the first human flight in search of this intangible goal. Money or fame did not encourage them; they only wanted to know their place in the universe."
Man that was a good passage that I just wrote. I remember when I sat down to the computer and wrote this masterpiece. One of my best pieces of work of all time in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI really like the passage the lesser Will writes here. I agree with most of his points and he does a good job distinguishing the natives of Latin America from the Europeans. The connection to the Nazca Lines is sensible. However, it is imperative that he uses a quote to back up his material; he just goes too long without supporting himself.
ReplyDeleteYeah Will, you're right, I think my argument would have been much more compelling if I had included a quote.
DeleteI agree with WSH that Will needed a quote in this piece. While I thought his points were great and his overall argument strong, I feel he needed to explain himself a little better as too much was assumed in regards to the Nazcas. Besides a quote, all of the material was there. It was simply in connecting it that Will could improve considering the fact that the reader should not need to connect points for himself. With that said, Will had enough material and wrote in an understandable way that almost compensated for that slip up. Therefore, I think it was a great argument.
ReplyDeleteI got lost in the explanation and i wasnt sure what the quote was. I feel like will just assumed that i knew what the nazca lines were. I think that if he were to add a quote there, he would empower it substantially. Also, not sure how humble will intended to be with that post hahaha
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