Here is an excerpt from KR's paper. What are its strengths? How could he improve it?
"On top of loyalty, words can be mistranslated in a way that affects their use. The little boy in Swift as Desire represents an innocent translator who causes chaos. He is not aware of words' connotations or full/double meanings which leads to mistranslations leading to unfortunate incidents between his grandmother and mother who already had enough conflicts to deal with. 'When Jubilo's grandmother gave him a message to translate, generally the words didn't coincide with what she really wanted to say' (Esquivel 17). As the boy, representing any translator, attempts to translate what is being said, he can occasionally, at no fault of his own, slip up which unfortunately leads to misunderstandings, awkwardness, and even violence. When the boy fears 'something terrible would happen' (Esquivel 20) during one of the conflicts, he mistranslates in a way that will cause massive conflict. Despite his intentions, to mistranslate, intentionally or not, will always lead to problems. From a political standpoint, it could be argued that many wars erupt over a series of slight misunderstandings, likely due to language. They are completely unnecessary and affect diplomatic relations all as a result of language."
Everything in this passage is flawless including diction, explanation, syntax and format... The only correction i can see would be a better lead in to the quote. The entrance of the quote seemed forced. I think that the readers may be shocked and startled by the quote. KR should lead into his quote in a more smooth fashion.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with Joe in that I think KR leads into his quote well. Additionally, he doesn't develop any complex ideas in the first part of the paragraph, which is good because he moves from the general to the specific. I wish Kyle provided examples of wars erupting over misunderstandings because that seemed vague and hard to back up.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I can think of maybe one or two in Latin America, but Kyle needs to provide more evidence in his argument.
DeleteI enjoyed how Kyle introduced a example or a view and then the following sentence abbreviated upon it. This helped me understand his views and then build my ow opinion on them so i could disagree or agree with his idea. This created a strong paragraph for hum because my views did match his and i was able to understand his thoughts in my own ways
ReplyDeleteI'm with Joe here because Kyle did a good job with the way he wrote this. Kyle gets specific in this passage which is good . This did help my opinion in this though. The only thing i would fix would be the quote he used.
ReplyDeleteKyle kills it again. His use of quotations to highlight the inherent power of words is one of the stronger points of the passage. However, I don't think he should have gone as far as he should have when explaining the political implications of the passage.
ReplyDeleteI thought I would finally, for teh end of the year, go back and read and comment on some of my own passages. Thank you to everyone for all of teh advice- it is very helpful. I realize now how my transitions and leading into the quotes can seem shaky. I believe I have and hope to continue to improve in that area and thanks again for all of the compliments.
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